Too Bad They Didn't Realize This 40 Years Ago...

by CTW
(Illinois)

1973 - two years before the divorce

1973 - two years before the divorce

My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I've written 2 brief reflections on my experiences and contributed them to this site:

http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/turned-out-all-right.html

And now I have an addendum. My dad's third wife passed away a few months ago (in early 2014). In the aftermath of the third wife's death, my dad sold their house in Florida and prepared to move back up the Chicago area to be nearer to the children from his first two marriages. To everyone's surprise, my mom drove down to Florida with him to help him pack up the house, take things to Goodwill, deliver other items to the deceased wife's relatives, and so on. And then they drove up here to Illinois and now live in my mom's house together.

They seem to get along. They call each other "sweetie" and "love." They go shopping together. They have bought some new furniture. They are preparing a trip overseas to visit relatives. They behave like any retired couple.

All of this has taken place with no explanation, no announcement, no acknowledgement that this might be a little strange or even painful for their adult children. Every time I see them together, I think to myself, as I watch them fixing each other tea and sandwiches or whatever, "How come you didn't realize 40 years ago that you could actually get along? Don't you realize that your reconciliation is 40 years too late? At least two generations -- your offspring and their offspring -- are negatively impacted by your selfish choice of 40 years ago and now you waltz around acting like nothing happened, and we're all supposed to be so happy for you."

I am old enough and jaded enough to know not to bother saying any of the above to either of them (especially my mother -- she's the one who denies that the divorce had any serious impact on my brothers and I, since "we turned out all right") but I cannot help feeling bitter about this latest development.

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Jan 03, 2015
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A Mothers Point of View
by: Anonymous

I am recently divorced. It will be a year in April. I have three children all under the age of 12. I did not want the divorce and tried very hard to keep our family together. My ex-husband was already a few years into a new relationship when he asked for a divorce. He is now openly dating the other woman and my children have been on vacation with him and her children.

I think the whole thing is weird and wrong and is causing me alot of pain, but as a mother I don't want to add to my childrens pain and put my point of view on my children and in the end, he is their father.

As a child of divorce, and this was your situation, how would you have wanted your mother to handle it?

Jul 17, 2014
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Thanks
by: Potamiaena

Thank you for your honest thoughts. Repercussions from divorce never stop, no matter how old the kids are.

Jun 30, 2014
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I'm with you.
by: Anonymous

I don't blame you one bit.

Jun 29, 2014
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The truth will set you free
by: Anonymous

You need to tell your mother before she dies or then you'll never be able to get it off your chest because it will be too late. People need to face the truth, better now on this earth than afterwards when God will force them to face it.

Jun 24, 2014
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Sympathizer
by: Anonymous

My parents divorced 59 years ago! I loved my mother very much but I never saw my dad again. I can still remember the day he left. All those lies about no impact on the children, is just that, lies!

Jun 24, 2014
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Wow
by: Anonymous

Just Wow. That is all I can say. Denial continues. I am so sorry. Maybe your dad would be able to receive something from you, some request for clarification.

you know, we are now inviting people to use this site as a message for those contemplating divorce. just bring people over here and let them see the long run impact of what they are considering.
Maybe you could send this anonymously to your parents. Just thinking out loud here. I am sure I don't know what I'm talking about...

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